Travelling with teenagers – How the boundaries change
By Amanda Kendle on Monday, March 24th, 2008

Travelling with teenagers can be extremely tricky. Even the best-behaved teenager can get themselves into trouble. Being naïve enough to trust strangers who seem kind, not being mature enough to make judgments about taking drugs or alcohol, or simply falling into trouble through cultural differences.

Travelling with teenagers – How the boundaries change

So what do you do? Teenagers want to be independent. Maybe it’s possible for them to be more independent at home. But what would you do with your teenagers if you’re on holidays in a different culture? Is it all right to insist they hang around with their boring parents the whole time?

You’ve probably all been following the sad story of Scarlett Keeling, the 15-year-old British girl who was allegedly raped and left for dead in Goa, India, after her mother left her in the care of a 25-year-old tour guide, who had just started a relationship with Scarlett. Her mother went travelling in another part of India with the rest of the family and felt she was leaving her daughter in safe hands, and it turned out tragically.

There’s really a danger of giving teenagers too much freedom when you’re on holidays, especially in a completely different culture. To get personal: when I was 15, I spent a month in Germany with a group exchange.

I definitely loved the freedom of not having my parents around to tell me what to do – but looking back, I can certainly imagine situations there where things could have gone wrong.

I was lucky, and I met good people, and ended up having a trouble-free trip, but only a small thing needs to go wrong to change the balance. Transpose the whole scenario to a country with really different cultural values, in a place where drugs and alcohol and partying are the norm, like the beach resorts of Goa – I wouldn’t expect my parents to trust me with that.

One pretty balanced write-up in the Independent decided that Scarlett’s mother problem was that “her hippy ideology destroyed her common sense”. It’s nice to trust people, it’s nice to trust your teenager too, but it’s hard enough to do this in your home country where you know the people, the culture and the customs inside-out.

When you’re on holidays in another country, surely you have to be that bit more careful in what you allow your teenagers to do. They might not like it, but thirty years later when they have their own teenagers, they’ll understand.


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10 responses to “Travelling with teenagers – How the boundaries change”

Gemma | 25 March, 2008 at 12:22 am

I wasn’t lucky enough to get to travel overseas as a teenager but I got myself in enough trouble when traveling locally, I can see how this would be a concern for some parents.

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OTG | 25 March, 2008 at 4:52 am

I also almost killed my self when traveled to Pangandaran Beach in Indonesia during my teenager. I jumped into the wild beach with huge waves because I wanted to show off to my girl friend. Luckily I managed to swim back to shore.

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Darren Cronian | 25 March, 2008 at 3:01 pm

Good example OTG, but are either you parents and if you are what troubles / concerns have you had about travelling with them?

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Globus | 26 March, 2008 at 10:26 am

The same lack of good judgement applies to the Madeleine McCann case. One could argue that the parents wouldn’t, in ordinary circumstances at home, leave their children untended, in a ground floor apartment with an open window, in an unfamiliar place. With Scarlett, a similar scenario seems to arise – this time with the mother exercising poor judgment to leave her daughter in the care of someone she may not have vetted, or even known, for very long at all.

So what makes people make these fundamental errors of judgement when they go abroad? Is there some kind of suspension of disbelief – that rules we normally apply caution to at home, then go out of the window as we’re abroad and on holiday so people think the rules don’t seem to apply? Like with the McCanns, one could argue here that a little common sense goes a long way. Even if when at home this mother would have been happy to leave her daughter with a stranger she hadn’t vetted, or known for long, surely abroad one must exercise even MORE caution, being out of one’s comfort zone. Food for thought.

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Amanda Kendle | 26 March, 2008 at 11:52 am

Good point, Globus – somehow there is a suspension of disbelief when you’re abroad – I know that even with my own personal safety, I take risks when I’m abroad that I would never do at home. At home, I know much more about what can go wrong, perhaps, because I hear the stories and read the news, and in a foreign country, this background info is lacking. Of course, that doesn’t mean it’s logical to be less careful, but perhaps it’s part of the reason.

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Brenda Fields | 28 March, 2008 at 6:10 pm

Sorry but letting a 15 yr old roam around alone is just asking for trouble. Hippy ways or not you have a responsibility to your child.

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Richard Hawkes | 29 March, 2008 at 4:26 am

The killer wants locking up for life, but the mother needs to look at the actions she took to let her 15!! year old daughter stay with a complete stranger.

OMG I wouldn’t let my 17 year old out by herself at night whilst on holiday.

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Sandra | 29 March, 2008 at 8:07 am

I have a 16 year old girl and I give her much more freedom than usually here in Italy, but I would never ever leave her with somebody I do not know well in different country. When we travel we usually do not separate at all, also by her choice. She has a head on shoulders and is well aware of dangers. But then, I am not a typical mother, I do not have problems which usually do parents with teens. Me and my daughter are more friends and have so much interests in common and we have so much fun together!

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Darren Cronian | 29 March, 2008 at 1:30 pm

@ Richard

I agree with you but we all make mistakes in life, this was just one she will never recover from. Does anyone else think that when you see her mother on TV that she is calm considering what has happened?

@ Sandra

It’s great to hear about your relationship with your daughter and that she has her head on her shoulders. It’s one tip I have given so many times to travellers – don’t loose your head when your abroad.

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Jason McIntyre | 30 March, 2008 at 2:03 pm

The mam should have her kids taken off her.

Shes not fit enough to be a parent.

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